When was the last time you met someone who truly saw you as an individual, gave you personalised information and, when you parted, you felt lighter? When was the last time that happened within 5 minutes? Within 10? Or even 15?
I found that the busier the sling library got, the harder it was to run in isolation, both as an unpaid volunteer and as a new mother myself. Wonderful women came forward, they helped how they could, but still I was less and less able to fulfil my own standards of really meeting mothers where they were at and having them leave the hall lighter and with a new skill to practice. At this time, I was settling into my motherhood my self. Whilst setting up this busy library, I was also learning how to parent responsively, navigating my own remaining breastfeeding problems and all for free. Something had to give, so I handed on the sling library to its current custodians. It continues to grow today but I know that I will not revisit it as a way of supporting families. The personal cost to me is too great whilst my little people are just that. I was once a mother standing in a sling library, confused about why I wasn’t given more attention. So I wonder how we can better explain to families the personal costs entailed in running a drop in, free to attend, sling library service. The hours racked up with support online, the missed pickup/drop offs, the £100’s of pounds spent on slings, insurance and training with no expectation of ever being earnt back through hires of slings. It is sad to think, the only reason most babywearing consultants set up a library in the first place, was to share own wisdom and help parents within their own journeys. The realities of running it, can be heart breaking however. A better way..Four years on from setting up my own sling library, I have settled into my motherhood and I am now confident within my skill set to know that what I have to give, is worth every penny of a fee. My skills have been hard earned, my family will tell you at times how frustrating it can be to wait whilst I gave my time and skills to others for free.
Now I offer my services in a way that meets my need to do the best I can, but also yours, to get the best help you can. If you can afford me, why not also pay a bit extra (pay it forward), so that the person who cannot, can still get the same help from me. SO, if you want to meet someone who will listen to you, learn all about your families needs and help you find a way to move forward with more resilience and new skills than before, then book a consultation with someone trained in babywearing. That 1-2 hours might be the best money you have spend on your family. You will not regret it.
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None of us are perfect, we live busy lives, often juggling many mental processes at once. We try our best to listen to those we are supporting but sometimes we may fall short. Honing in on listening skills can really help us offer more effective support. The photos bellow are adapted from a list by the Bloemfontein Samaritans. I discovered them as part of my breastfeeding specialist training and adapted them to share with you all :) This series of images is about listening skills and what it looks like when you are listening and when you are not. I believe they are applicable to all situations, in all interactions with others, what ever your role is within that moment. I find these helpful in all my roles, from health care professional to babywearing consultant. I hope that with awareness ( and practice) we can strive to be aware of our flaws and do better for those we interact with on a professional and personal level.
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Tessa ClarkRNc, Breastfeeding Counselor, Babywearing Consultant & Mum Archives
May 2019
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